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<H2 ALIGN="CENTER">Aidan In China</H2>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">&copy; By <A HREF="mailto:rwwaugh@istar.ca">Rick Waugh</A></FONT></P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">In September of 1996, we brought our first

daughter, Aidan Xiaoe Waugh, home to Vancouver from Zhanjiang. Aidan was not

quite six months old, beautiful and sweet. It was the high point of our

lives.</FONT></P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">In September of 1998 we returned to Guangdong

province, this time to the city of Maoming, where we adopted our second

daughter, Morgan Quan, 9 and a half months in age. Another high point, made

even more marvelous because Aidan was there with us.</FONT></P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">This is not common; we're the first couple

Bonnie Wong has taken to China for a second trip who took their first Chinese

child with them. Bonnie never came out and actually asked us to leave Aidan at

home; she did mention a number of times that surely a grandmother or someone

else could take care of her while we were away. We could understand Bonnie's

point of view; a two year old is not conducive to helping people stick to tight

schedules, or much help in shedding stress. </FONT></P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">But for us, from the moment we got back to

Canada with Aidan and decided that she needed a sibling, the decision to take

her was never in doubt. On that first trip another couple took their six year

old son, and when they were asked why, they simply said that someone was

joining the family, and the entire family should be there to take part. It made

sense to us; we loved Aidan so much, we couldn't think of leaving her. And what

better way to help her make the transition to having a sister, than to have her

there when the event occurred?</FONT></P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">So how was it? Amazing. She traveled like a

champ. On the plane trip to Hong Kong, she played with sticker books and a few

toys, and slept for about 4 hours, then was awake for 2 hours before we

arrived. She adjusted to the time change quickly. Hong Kong and sightseeing

were a delight, as she loved buses, the Star Ferry, and the tram ride up

Victoria peak.</FONT></P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">The bus ride to Guangzhou was another big hit.

She had all these other parents to play with, all of them thinking about the

little girls they were going to adopt, looking at Aidan and wondering how it

might be.</FONT></P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">The train ride to Maoming was 7 hours long, and

beautiful. The car was jammed full, but we didn't care. Aidan was happy sitting

on our laps, talking to our friends and eating bananas, while we took in the

views of the craggy mountains, green fields, and red brick villages. </FONT> 

</P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">When we reached Maoming, we had an hour or two

to sit around before the babies came. Aidan was tired, excited, a little too

worked up. When the babies arrived, and Aidan saw Susan holding Morgan, she

fell apart, yelling at Morgan &quot;Don't touch my Mummy.&quot; When I took

Aidan aside for a bit to try and hold her and calm her down, she informed me

that Morgan could have Daddy, but not Mummy. Ignoring my bruised feelings, I

eventually took her back to Susan, who gave me Morgan, and comforted her eldest

daughter.</FONT></P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">We returned to our room, and snap! Aidan's

attitude shifted 180 degrees. She wanted to hold Morgan; Morgan, who was very

stressed, didn't like the idea, but we informed her that she was going to do

one for the team. So Aidan held Morgan, then helped lay out the mei mei's

(little sister's) change table for her first diaper change. She sang her little

good night song to Morgan, and donated her own green receiving blanket. It was

a perfect way to end a great day. The next morning, Aidan proudly wore the jie

jie (big sister) t-shirt we had made for her in Hong Kong.</FONT></P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">Throughout the rest of the trip, Aidan held out

extremely well, as well as a two and a half year old can. She continued to

enjoy the travelling. On the train ride back from Maoming, she found a little

friend, and they ran up and down the aisle shrieking with delight, chasing each

other. The conductor was so charmed, he gave her three red roses.</FONT></P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">She finally grew tired of trying new food,

though we could always get plain rice into her. Her temper wore a little thin

at meal times. At a restaurant in Guangzhou, she bit the Maitre D's tie and

stuck a fork into the behind of a gentleman sitting next to us. Fortunately

everyone showed the usual Chinese forbearance of children.</FONT></P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">About the third night we had a bit of a battle

with Morgan about bed times, and whether or not she should be able to fall

asleep in Mom's arms. It took about twenty minutes of her screaming blue

murder, with us going over to comfort her every two minutes, for her to go to

sleep. In the middle of this, Aidan said, &quot;I'm sleepy, I need to go to

bed.&quot; We pointed out that Morgan was howling about two feet from where

Aidan's pillow sat. She said she didn't care, and within a few minutes was

sound asleep. That's our eldest daughter, the world's best sleeper. May she

never lose the gift.</FONT></P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">We went to the Summer Palace on our own, not

having gone there on the first trip. During a rest stop, we were approached by

a Swiss couple who volunteered in an orphanage in Hunan. They had their two

young blonde children with them. Well, between us and them, we were the hit of

the day, and soon had between twenty and thirty people around us, shouting

questions. Aidan started to get a little nervous, and told people, &quot;Don't

touch my Morgan!&quot; We didn't mind too much, as everyone was friendly,

telling us that westerners adopting Chinese girls was a wonderful thing, but we

were pleased when we finally got away and made it back to the hotel.</FONT></P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">We heard a lot of comments from Chinese people

that Aidan was so intelligent, and talked so well, even though they didn't

understand English. Now, we're pretty sure our daughter is a genius, (normal

parenting thing,) but we heard this same comment over and over. Observing

Chinese children her age and older, we tended to agree that she was above

average in her language skills and awareness. Was there a reason? All we could

see was the amount of coddling Chinese babies received. In North America, we

start talking to children and trying to have conversations with them very

early. We teach them independence, and try and have them do things for

themselves. Chinese children are carried and babied right past their second

birthday, and perhaps the lack of challenge makes a difference.</FONT></P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">The plane ride back was hell, but then it was

on the first trip, too. There were 31 babies on board, and at any time half a

dozen of them were screaming. Aidan fell apart, and Morgan fell apart, and both

wanted to be held by Mummy, and neither was going to fall asleep. I walked up

and down the aisle with Aidan, (all 28 pounds,) for about an hour and half. I

thought my arms were going to fall off. They both finally nodded off with about

two hours left in the plane ride.</FONT></P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">We're very pleased we didn't have to come home,

jet lagged, with a jet lagged baby, and have to deal with the kind of initial

reaction Aidan had in Maoming. We all walked into the house and collapsed. The

first night the girls took turns waking each other up, but the second night was

a bit better, and by the end of the week, everyone was sleeping well.</FONT> 

</P>

<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">The time since has been wonderful. We saw some

initial disputes about territory and toys, but the two girls have become very

attached, and chase each other around the house. We could do without the dual

screaming, but it usually means they're having fun, so we try to leave them be.

We like to think that the mutual acceptance is at least partly due to Aidan

coming along on the trip, but it really doesn't matter. It was enough that she

was there with us, that her sweet little self woke up with us every morning,

that she saw her mei mei join the family. We think she understood, to a certain

extent, that this is how she had also come to be with us. She may remember

nothing of the trip when she's older; she may remember quite a bit. All we know

is that we did the right thing, for all of us. </FONT></P>

<P><I><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">Rick Waugh is co-editor of <B>Friends of the

Family</B> and Webmaster for FCC BC &amp; NWWA</FONT></I></P>

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<B>Last Updated: July 15th, 1999 </B></FONT> 

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